California Lovin'

So, a while ago I was feeling really overwhelmed and alone and homesick for my family. I was expressing my frustrations and worries to my best friend Kelly, and she took it upon herself to plan a mini vaycay for me to come to California and visit her and my family. She's the best.
I decided that I would surprise my family because I love surprises, therefore planning surprises for others is always super fun for me. I kept it a secret for quite a while (which was really hard, so I just kinda stopped talking to them very much to lessen the urge and temptation). hehe. Anyways, my parents broke the news that they were going to be in Monterey that week (SO not cool).. so I tried to sneakily tell them to change their plans because that sure as heck wasn't going to work for me. Of course, they questioned me about it and got down to the nitty gritty and I had to tell them so that they would believe me that it was important for them to change their plans. So rude. They did change their plans, but I only get to see my dad for about 24 hours, which is really sad, but I'm so looking forward to it on Friday night!
We decided to continue keeping it a secret from my sisters. Kelly picked me up from the airport on Saturday and we went to Sharkies and enjoyed some delicious, much craved nachos, and headed to my parents house. We hid in the tiny coat closet until they came home.. it got hot in there.. and poor Kelly was pretty much doing a squat that entire time. When Smelly found us, she jumped and about peed her pants. It was so much fun.
That night we all went and visited Anne Marie at work, and then hung out at Kelly's and then went and all slept in Anne Marie's room. On Sunday we went and watched the primary program at church. Kelly's sweet mom was so nice to invite us over for a linner. It was delicious soup and corn bread. mmm :).  Then went to the rainy, cold beach for a couple hours with Anne Marie's boyfriend (I swear they're inseparable).  We entertained ourselves with a volleyball.. just throwing it to each other. It was so fun, and I was scraping sand out of my hair for days. Then we went back to Kell's and watched shows as I napped.
Uhh- on Monday it's kind of a blur to be honest. I woke up super early and took Danielle and kiddos to seminary, waited in the car for an hour, and then drove them all to school. We picked my mom up from the airport later that day.. it was so exciting to finally see her. We went out to red robin which was absolutely delicious.. then we all fell into a deep food coma.
Kelly spent the night that night again and we went hiking the next morning. It was a fun hike in Malibu! it was kinda hard considering there were a lot of up hill and dumb downhill. But I vented and talked poor Kelly's ear off. Gosh, I've missed talking to her. I will confidently say that she's a great listening ear.  She never interrupts, and she always tell you the truth. That's right, I have a fantastic best friend, and you don't.
After that we went to the beach and it ended up being a gorgeous day. I just laid there on the beach relaxing and taking somewhat of a powernap while Kelly played her guitar. I have to say that listening to that is one of the most relaxing and comforting things to me. Kelly then realized that we had a whole flock of seagulls crowding around us.. She had serenaded them to us. It was really funny to watch. We got a good kick out of it. After our beach time, we went to Smelly's volleyball game which I really enjoyed. She always came to my school and sport events and it was nice to support her for once and to watch her in action. I absolutely love being a big sister. I wish more than anything that I could support her more. uuugh.
We spend the rest of the night just hanging out and watching TV. It was really relaxing.
Wednesday my mom and I hung out all day. I have really missed that. We took smelly some lunch and then went and had lunch ourselves. We talked and talked forever :) It was nice to catch up. We then walked around Home Goods for a while. My mom gave me lots of pointers on how to decorate my place and things to add onto what we already have. I also found the most divine yankee candle. I wish it would have only cost me 5 cents or something.. because I really wanted it.
We then went to her work while she finished up a couple things that needed to be done. I talked to Gabrielle for a little bit, and then talked to my Gmiddy (Grandma) on the phone too. She's so funny-- I never realize/ remember how funny she really is until I talk to her again.
Mom and I went and picked Smelly up from school, then I took her to Young Womens (who supplied some absolutely delicious apple cider), then we went and got frozen yogurt. YUM! So delicious. I have leftovers that I will happily eat today.
Last night for some reason was a little rough for me. My sister, Smelly is so beautiful, but she thinks she's not at all. She talks down to herself ALL the time- just like I always have to myself ever since I can remember.. when I was younger I tried this that and the other to change myself to feel better- but obviously it never worked. I feel like my poor example has rubbed off on her.. which I don't want. I want her to feel like what she is- beautiful, smart, intelligent, motivated, athletic, loved, she has a happy, bubbly personality that is absolutely wonderful and contagious- especially when she laughs, funny, cute, spiritual, strong emotionally, physically and spiritually, talented, brave, etc. She sees the opposite and I can't help but take a little blame for that. I don't want her to beat herself up like I do and did. It's really one of the worst feelings ever that feels like can never be overcome. It's this thing where you are just continuously digging yourself deeper into a hole where there are distorted mirrors everywhere and a soundtrack replaying reminders of every mistake, flaw and bad gene you have. How awful is that! I don't think many people read this blog, but for those of you who do- what do I do? How can I change this and feel better about myself, and therefore be a better example? Or- how do I help her?

"Always be a first rate version of yourself, instead of a second rate version of somebody else." -Judy Garland

I was able to talk to Phill last night, which was one of the best conversations I've had with him in a little while. I love that man with everything I have. I couldn't ask for anyone better that I would rather spend my eternity with. We talked about our little one on the way, and I can't help but be a little overcome with excitement and happiness knowing that this is MY child. Heavenly Father has trusted ME to carry him and for Phill and I to be parents to His precious son. What a privilege it is to be a mother. I hope I can be at least half the mother my mom was to me. I want so badly to hold my little gummybear close (partly so he's not kicking my bladder anymore :P). Phew- I'm nervous with the responsibility I know follows. Yikes! Hopefully there will be a lot of you that will grace me with your advice.
Today I plan on relaxing and seeing some old friends, hanging out with my best friend, Kelly, going to lunch with my cute mamasita, and screaming from the stands at Smelly's volleyball game as my poor butt falls asleep on the hard, uncomfortable bleachers. :)
I can't wait to see my dad tomorrow. We have a lot of catching up to do! Plus, he's doing the whole barefoot running thing and is going to take me running with him (I hope you have enough patience to run with me, dad!) so I get to see the 5fingers in action!
Being here in California has been such a beneficial experience. Just in the past week I've had lots of changes to my poor body from pregnancy that my mom has explained and taught me and laughed with me about. It was a good week to come! I've needed this break so badly. It's such a refreshing thing to literally have NOTHING to do. I don't have to cook, clean, work, stress, blah blah. If anyone knows me they know I'm 1) not the most talented at cooking.. at all. and 2) I am not really that organized. well, I'm an organized mess. I usually have a weird system to things that makes no sense to anyone around me-including my husband. So having to try to be organized and super duper clean has been quite the journey for me... and it's a good break to just relax and not worry if the lines from vacuuming have been walked on and messed up or that there is just another dirty dish in the sink. It's also nice to not have to go to work and feel a little worthless and frustrated that I'm stuck in a position that takes me nowhere. Phill and I have talked a lot about our future plans- and are planning on moving to Logan in a year or less where we will both finish school and hopefully start a new chapter in our lives. It will be nice because I'll be really close to Anne Marie when she goes to school (WHICH BY THE WAY SHE GOT ACCEPTED INTO BYU-IDAHO!!!! I'm soo so very proud of her), and then my brother when he gets back from his mission and then we will be closer to my parents, and Phill's grandparents and sister and my aunts. It'll definitely be a giant step in the right direction.
We get our cute puppy in a couple weeks. Aww :) I'm sure he'll be our baby until the real one pops out.
My belly seems to grow a little bit daily. I'm still squeezing into my regular jeans, but not comfortably by any means. I'll put it this way- It feels like the baby is always upset that I'm wearing jeans that are tight around my stomach so he punches and punches until I reluctantly unbutton them or change into glorious sweats :)
My next appt is Monday-- we will officially find out the sex of the baby!!! Horray!
I miss my dear husband, and am excited to reunite with him on Saturday, although I wish I could bring my family with us.. actually scrap that. I'm ready to get out of Salem... so.. I wish I could drag them all to Logan with us right this very second.
We are having Christmas in Monterey (where my family is moving in 5 weeks).
I wish I hadn't forgotten my sudoku books.
I really wish I was asleep right now.

Sickness can end in relief and happiness.

I LOVE FOOD.
Would you like to know why? Oh, alright I'll tell you. So, This last Saturday I think I go to work, hate my life, and am so relieved to go home and spend time with my love. I'm walking to my super intensely white-trash-80s- wonderful volvo and my stomach starts turning. I figure I'm just super hungry or something. My drive becomes more and more uncomfortable for me and I am sure that I'll upchuck any second. I get home and my cute husband is making me an egg dinner with all the leftover food we had. I was sitting in the kitchen, talking to him.. smelling eggs.. and thinking about eating.. and WHAM. barf. I felt better and was content that I had just made room for dinner and didn't feel nauseous anymore. I went upstairs to finish my homeowork that was due that night while Phill finished dinner. He brought it to me, and I took one bite and couldn't bare to eat anymore (it wasn't gross at all.. but my stomach was being twisted in my stomach.). I run to the bathroom just in time to throw up again. To make a long story short, ever 5-10 minutes on the dot, I would throw up.. even when I had nothing left, acid and bile came up. This lasted from about 7pm-5am. Poor Phill tried to get me Sprite and water and pepto bismol and hold my hair back. He even tried to put my hair in a ponytail for me. aww. Nothing worked. I couldn't keep anything down, nor did I want anything to go down. Phill's brother Caleb graciously came over to our house at midnight to give me a blessing. (Thank you, Caleb). I dont'think I've ever gotten a blessing from Phill before, so I think it would have been a special moment if I had been so focused on not throwing up.
I decided to sleep on the floor of the bathroom because I became too weak and nauseous to move anywhere else. Phill tried to make it as comfy and cushy and warm as possible for me. I was laying there just waiting.. waiting for the Lord to be like.. WAZAM! You're healed and can go eat and sleep and drink water. I waited for forever, pleading that it would just be over. I was miserable and exhausted and worried that my baby would suffer for me eating bad zucchini. (yuck, I can't even think about it). I felt ashamed that I expected so much and gave so little to Heavenly Father. I started thinking about how I earn the blessings in my life.. and sometimes I had to suffer. I just became grateful for my usual health, and knew that this would pass... eventually.
Finally at around 5am, I was laying there and still felt nauseous, but nothing as bad as before. I figured I would go lay down in my comfy, not tile, bed next to Phill. I slowly made my way in there and was able to sleep a while. It was nice finally being able to sleep. I woke up sooooo sore from being tense all night and tired and laying in awkward positions on a tile floor. We didn't go to church.. Honestly I couldn't, but I was so sad because fast sundays are my favorite each month. It's funny going from a quiet, super spiritual sacrament meeting in college... to a family ward where every child is talking, crying, pouting, screaming. They are still meaningful and exciting for me though. Maybe I like them more now because I get to eat while everyone else is starving in church :P
I couldn't keep anything substantial down for the next couple days, but now I can't get enough.. kinda. Phill got sick too, but only for about half a day, thank goodness. My stomach doesn't fit much in it at a time, but it's back to cravings and hatings. My recent craving is mac-n-cheese. Or chinese food. (Good thing I don't always give into my cravings.. I would probably weigh about 300 pounds by now).
Work is going better than ususal, which is good. I got to have a shift with Michelle which was really fun and we got to talk because it was so slow. We decided we are going to go bowling one of these days :) It's been quite a while since I've done that! I'll need the bumpers.
Last night Phill and I laid in bed thinking about all the things I wish I wish I could say to people. It was a good venting session. He helped me form a couple good, and not rude/ job-ruining paragraphs to say to some people at work if they gave me a hard time again.
I really have to say- Respect is huge. And I hold grudges. I had a manager tell me I was a worthless piece of s*** a couple weeks ago. That's unacceptable and uncalled for. That's fine if you don't agree with something for thing I'm annoying and can improve on things I do at work. You can talk to me respectfully, because I have never once disrespected him.. except in my mind, but that doesn't count. Who agrees with me that I should become owner of Dicks and fire him?
Anyways.. I want to finish school.
Last night I went on a 3.5 mile run with my sister-in-law. Ah, best run ever... well.. it was enjoyable. I felt good the whole time, except when she was killing me on the huge hill back to her house. Phew.. I about didn't make it! I love running and I miss it so much. In just 5 months (I think) I can be back at it, and get in good shape again!
I'm 16 weeks! Slowly, but surely, my pregnancy is starting to go by (not fast enough, though). I feel the baby a lot more often now, which is really exciting for me. I'm still not showing a lot.. although I feel like i look like more of a cow every single day. I can't wait for the moment where I wake up and am like.. Where in the holy pasta did this belly come from?!
Someone is at my door... and I've decided not to answer it. I tried to spy out my window to see who it was.. but I couldn't see. Hmm.
Anyways-- I found a stink bug in my house the other day. I covered it with a cup and let Phill deal with it when he got home from work. :D
I want my puppy already.
I think my house is haunted.
And 8 days from now should come sooner.

butt shots and revenge.

This week has been a great one so far.
We had our friends Tara, Liliya, Jerry and Sam come for dinner (well, linner to be exact), which was really fun. Phill and I have great friends.
Tara stayed with me that night since Phill and Jerry decided to go hunting. I was so happy that she agreed to stay, because I knew at some point, I would probably freak myself out and not sleep at all. It was a fun night full of girl talk and laughs. We even came to the conclusion that she's going to move in with us at the end of the month! I'm excited. It's definitely a win-win situation for the both of us.
I had a doctors appointment on Monday with my new OB doc. My good friend Liliya referred me to him, and I really like him! I'm good at making things awkward by making stupid comments during embarrassing procedures, like I did this time. I kinda begged him not to do his OB job, but it didn't work. Ugh, not one of the joys of womanhood.
He did measure me and listen to the baby's heartbeat and such, which was so cool. He showed me how to find the top of my uterus and see how the baby is growing. When he was doing that, he was saying how I was measuring a bit bigger than what my previous doctor had said (I then proceeded to get offended and asked if he was calling me fat). He said he thought I was 1 to 2 weeks ahead of what they had told me.
I sneakily told him he is more than welcome to do an ultrasound, and I wouldn't be opposed to it a bit! He agreed, and I happily walked down the doctors office in nothing but a gown knowing I was about to see my child on camera. Yay!
So, he starts the ultrasound and was like WOAH! (In my head, I'm like saaaaayyy what?! is my baby deformed and has two heads? What's going on?!) Then he said "Wow, you're baby is big!". Thank you, thank you.. mah baby takes after it's mama. Anyways, so I'm 15 weeks, not 13. That does make me a little happier that I'm further along. That means that my due date changed to April 1st. I do hope that my little one is born then. It would be awesome to have an April Fools baby. (And easy to remember for family and my husband). So anyways, I bugged the doctor about finding out the sex of the baby because I'm dying to know. He looks and looks and we have an idea, but will find out for sure on November 1st. :)
The rest of the appointment I had the biggest smile on my face and I absolutely loved watching the ultrasound. My baby was moving SO much. It was surreal. It was opening and closing its little hands, and squirming and kicking a lot. Haha, actually to be exact, the baby enjoyed doing flips. Baby C wouldn't sit still long enough for Dr. Dalinsky and I to get a good facial shot. Also, everytime the doctor would move the ultrasound thing, my baby automatically would stick it's behind right there in the way. It had the doctor and I really laughing :)
Just seeing our baby there made it a little more real to me.. not 100% (I don't think that'll come until the baby is in my arms in the hospital), but it was so fun and put me in the best mood the rest of the day. I was really sad that Phill couldn't be there, but I don't let him forget, so that's okay. My revenge is, and continues to be, sweet.
We can't come up with baby names. Good think we have 25 more weeks to go (Aye, that's a long time). I have found that I love a lot of names, but not enough for my child. I over analyze every name, like what people like nickname them, how it could be made into a dirty joke, etc. I want a simple name, but not one that 100 other kids might answer to.. Eh, we'll see. Maybe I'll make a contest out of this.. to entertain my readers and to benefit my lack of imagination.
Tara, Jerry, Phill and I are going to a pumpkin patch tonight which I'm quite looking forward to. It'll be really fun! I think we are going to carve them afterwards too. :D I love October through December. It's the best times of year because you've got the beautiful weather changes and Halloween, Thanksgiving and CHRISTMAS.. and New years.

Who wants to clean my house for me? I sure as heck don't.

Woah.

I can't believe it's October already. This summer has gone by SO SLOW, but September went by superbly fast. That's what I'm talking about! I'm ready for it to be April already.
Well.. Okay, that's an exaggeration. I don't want it to be April, because that means that I'm back to not knowing what in the heck I'm doing. I'm so nervous to have a baby. I'm impatient, dumb, clumsy, selfish... Not a great combination. I keep having dreams that I have a baby girl in my arms and it's so so fun. But then I also have ridiculously scary dreams, like my baby being born dead or mutated or .. that I' haven't been pregnant this entire time. That scares me.
School is going well.. my online class is easy peezy pumpkin squeezy. I got up at 7 this morning to get everything done on time (the study guide due today). I thought it was going to take me forever. uhhhh... yeah, it took me about 30 minutes to do.. and now I'm awake and wishing I wasn't. So, I'm doing my laundry and pretending to do something useful on here.
I am excited for General Conference this weekend. It's a great time to catch up on lost sleep ;) Just kidding, but I'm SO excited to watch/listen. Phill and I were watching talks yesterday about the Proclamation of the World for my class and I love doing stuff like that with him. We always get into good discussions... and I politely and discreetly hint how much I hate my job and how much I'm looking forward to quitting when we have our baby. :D I don't want to talk about the possibility of going back. Ugh.
I'm always tired lately. It's gotten a little better the past couple of weeks, but not really. I get headaches that take over my life now, when exhausts my body. It's so weird. I can't take any medicine for it, (well, technically I can take Tylenol, but I will only take half of one when my headache is so bad that I need ice on my eyes and all lights off, and a bucket for my dinner I will soon upchuck.
Prenatal pills make me super sick, I've come to find. I always thought it was because I took them right before bed, but I have since found that even if I take them in the middle of the day, it makes me really really sick to my stomach. Worst feeling ever. I don't really know what to do about that. I've talked to a couple of friends and they said that since I'm through my first trimester, I can stop taking them if they make me sick. I'll confirm with my doctor on Monday.
Talking about doctor on Monday, I'm really excited for the possibility of an ultrasound. But lets be honest here... I'm not prepared to be super invaded.
Today I'm going to a Beavers game with my friend Marie. That should be fun. It's been a long while wince I've been to a football game. I'm just really hoping I can stay awake for the game... or not get an insane headache as we cook in the bleachers.
I need to go get Beavers attire.
I also want to take a nap before I leave at one. How sad is that?
My newest food obsession is cucumbers with cheese (sorry, hunny. You're gonna have to buy your own cucumbers from now on).
I really want Cheetos.
Or watermelon.
Or coffee? I don't drink coffee and I am craving it. I think that's so weird. It's the same thing with squash. I had never had it before but I wanted it sooo badly. So I got it, liked it for about 2 seconds, and now will probably hate it with a burning passion the rest of my life. Ew, I'm getting nauseous even thinking about it.
Phill went running with me the other night, which was a miracle. I didn't think he would! (Sorry for doubting you). It felt good, but he was going on about barefoot running and how ridiculous it was. Haha, we all have our own opinions. Me, however, I think it's awesome and i would love to do it. I hope that one day I will be able to. As of now, my feet hurt if I walk for extended amounts of time or run without my supportive shoes one. They help me walk right. When my foot was still healing, I would walk on the inside of my foot, not putting pressure on where the break was. Ever since, I can't quite walk on my foot right. I probably look retarded.
The other night I was invited to go to dinner with my friend Tara from work and her friends. I of course decided to go, and dressed up in my sparkly heels, a flower in my hair and my hair actually done. It was so fun to get dressed up. (okay, it wasn't in a dress or anything, but I felt sassy). We went to a Moroccan restaurant. I can say that I had a lot of fun getting to know the girls there, but i will confidently say that I will never eat that type of food again. The hummus was good, but that was about it. Even the bread tasted funny. Aaaand my back was killing me from sitting on the floor for four hours. Plus it was hella expensive. Yikes. I looked at my CC statement a couple days later and found out that our lovely, greedy waiter had charged my card $80. Okay, that restaurant was expensive.. but not THAT expensive. I called and kinda threw a little fit. They refunded me (thank goodness). Phew, I was about to go haywire on someone.
Okay.. I want to nap now.
Peace out scouts.