Sleep deprived delusional mama.

So my little man is not being very cooperative with me and my sleeping needs. I've been awake all night with him hoping and wishing that he would just fall asleep so I could lay him down, and go snuggle and sleep with my husband. I miss doing that. I find most of my nights are now spent in Isaac's room feeding him, changing him, and trying desperately for hours to rock him or snuggle him to sleep. He's quite the noisy baby with all of his humming and squeaks and "waaa's". It's so cute, but really quite disruptive when you're trying to snooze. Anyways, he's been like this for a couple of nights now and it's really starting to catch up to me. Whoever said "sleep when your baby sleeps" has obviously never had kids. When they sleep (especially during the day) all you want to do is snuggle (I feel like this word is going to be overused in this post) with them and stare at their cute faces soaking up the feeling of being so blessed to have a beautiful miracle in your arms. When you're not doing that, you take advantage of the baby being asleep by-oh, I don't know- showering and taking care of your own personal hygiene needs, or the needs of the house, or of a husband, or of your sanity (we'll touch more on this topic later).
I feel tired all the time, and I think that the baby blues have found a home inside this mama. Not once have I sat there and been frustrated at Isaac or angry or so depressed that I want nothing to do with him... it's not like that for me. Personally, my entire social drive has been chucked out the window, rolled down a steep canyon and is now buried at the bottom of the deepest part of the ocean. I know I'm a pretty awkward person when it comes to making conversation or whatnot, but usually I can do it pretty well.. not right now though! Now, I have a hard time not yawning every other word (when I can find words to say), and feeling like being around people is what I want to be doing at that moment. In my mind I would so much rather be snuggled in bed with Isaac, eating edamame and watching a movie or listening to our favorite guitar music.
Sometimes being home alone with Isaac is hard. It gives me a lot of time inside my head to think about how awesomely unattractive my post pregnancy body is with it's swelling of the face, tigerstripes on the tummy (stretch marks), and flabby skin on the stomach that makes me look fat as well. Ugh. I keep having to tell myself that it's all relevant and this, too shall pass.
I just want to go on a run!! and start working out again so I can feel more like my normal self. I want my nipples to stop feeling like they are on fire and might possible rip off my body when Isaac is eating or when anything, including air, touches them. I want to feel social again. I want Isaac to sleep better so that I have more of a chance to sleep more than 2-3 hours a day... and so that I can spend time with my husband. I want dinner to cook itself and my house to always stay clean and organized without me having to lift a finger. I want Salem to be sunny and warm already so I can go on walks with Isaac and just be outside.
Well, Isaac is being fussy. Until my next middle of the night delirious post.... farewell.