Pop, lock and drop it.

My trip to California was absolutely glorious. I loved every second of it.. and I'm already counting down the days until I get to go back for Christmas and see my family again.
I am back in Salem now. Actually, I have been for about 2 1/2 weeks now. It's a bittersweet feeling. I am so happy to be reunited with my cute hubby. I missed him a lot. But-- I'm ready to move. I feel like there's nothing keeping me in Salem. I'm not progressing (other than my waist size)- no school, career, baby (that's coming soon, but still). I want Phill to be happy with his job and finish what he has started.
I've come to find out what I want to study in school- dental hygiene! I have a good 2 years left for me.. and that's if I'm in school full time every semester for those 2 years. I don't know how I'm going to do it with a baby, but I hope that I can find a way. As the saying goes, where there is a will, there is a way.
I'm exhausted. I know I shouldn't be- I'm in my second trimester and apparently that's supposed to be the best one. But I'm not sure what is going on.
It might be the blues that seems to be ruling me for the last little while. I don't feel cut out to be a mother yet. I am certainly not ready for it... but at the same time I just want my little gummybear to be here already so I can hold him and love love love him. I know that it will be challenging- especially with the lack of sleep. I don't do well on little sleep... but I know the Lord will help me.
It's hard for me to find a reason to just keep on going. I'm tired. I feel like a planet. I'm unmotivated. I miss my family and Kelly. I'm sick of rude people (customers) at work.
On the upside of things, I am starting to get in the groove of things at work. I feel more motivated to give my 100%. I decided that my stinky poo poo attitude about it wasn't helping anyone. Especially me. I should be thankful to even have a job. There are many people with college degrees that can't even find a job, yet I'm just me.. pregnant at 20 and have a concrete job with people I love working with. I need to be grateful for what I have, not wishing for things I don't.
I'm grateful for:
1. The gospel. How could I make it without my knowledge of the Church? We have the plan of happiness that I know without a doubt is true.
2. My job. It doesn't bring in a ton of money, but it helps us to pay the bills, and have a little left over to save. I love most of the people I work with. It keeps me busy, so I don't have too much to dwell in my own head.
3. My miracle inside of me. I feel him move more and more often now, and Phill can feel him occasionally. As much as I'm not fond of pregnancy, I sure am thankful to have the ability to be creating my son's life and know that I can hold him finally in just a couple of months. What a blessing.
4. My silly husband. As nerdy as he has proven to be, I love his with all of my heart. He tolerates me most of the time and is the face I want to come home to every single day. I miss him while he's at work, or hunting, or out doing whatever he does. I'm thankful to have him for the rest of eternity.
5) My mom. Whenever anything happens, who is the first person I want to call? My mama. She's the ultimate example of what I want to be as a mother. When I was in California last, She took me to some restaurant to get salad and buffalo wings (our tradition :D) and we talked and talked for hours. It's the best. I love her to death.
6) My dad. He has taught me so much throughout my life. He's one of the strongest men I know, and a great role model for everyone. He has taught me what hard work is, and what it can do. He's really very hilarious. And for some reason people don't ever expect him to be funny.. He has taught me the importance of physical health. I love going running with him. He has yet to not be able to kick my toosh every. single. time. Someday, dad.. I will be able to kick YOUR butt.
7) My sisters. I miss them I miss them I miss them. They are the best. Smelly and I are so much alike which is pretty entertaining. I love being around her. It's my favorite. Anne Marie is the fashion diva. She's always getting cute stuff, and I always feel outdated when I'm around her.
8) My twiner. Oh, how I miss him. He doesn't miss us as much because he's off on a mission, but I'm counting down the days until I get to see him. I can't wait. I miss his sarcasm and retarded dorkiness.
9) My house. My husband works so hard to provide for us. I'm blessed to live in a beautiful condo that keeps us warm and dry from the rain and cold outside. It's my safe haven.
10) Music. The power of music is amazing. Whenever I'm having an 80s day or need to calm down or need to be motivated to run, I turn to music. Phill gets sick of it because I put so many songs on repeat.. but I absolutely love it.
11) Kelly belly. She's the best friend anyone can ask for. She has done so much for me, I can't even express. She took me in when I strayed and helped keep me in line. She ceases to make my day with her silly texts or calls. We are so different, but we definitely are the best friends people can be.

I have so much to be thankful for! I just need to focus on that :)
Now I have to go teach some church girlies to fold napkins (which by the way I think is silly. Why would someone ask me to do that? I just told them hotdog style... and set it on the table.. or I don't fold it at all. baha!)

Is it Christmas yet?