First Mothers day

Alrighty, so let me tell you what... Mothers day is so much more fun and exciting when you are actually a mother. a mom. a ma. a mama. a madre... ME!
I love being a mom and thank God every day for blessing Phill and me with Isaac. He is such a good baby (other than when he doesn't sleep) and is so happy. I couldn't be more happy with him!
He is learning how to smile. That's my favorite part so far! If I kiss his face or make a knocking sound with my mouth or give him eskimo kisses, he laughs and does this cute squeak that I think is supposed to be a laugh. At least someone things I'm funny!
Also, I love when he poops. Maybe not the whole clean-up part... but it is honestly hilarious. Isaac is such a funny face maker and noise maker.. and he really gets into it when he's pushin'. I did take a video of it... and I'm thinking about posting it. We'll see.
Being a mom is hard work. It doesn't really make sense how a little tiny baby can take up your entire day. The day is over before I know it. I think that the hardest things for me are as follows:
1) Nursing. I'm just getting to the point where it doesn't feel like my boobs are being slowly and painfully ripped from my body. But Isaac is the slowest nurser on the face of this earth. I swear he can chug a bottle when I pump, but it takes him a good hour to be satisfied when I just nurse him. It's hard to sit in awkward, uncomfortable positions for that long-- especially at night when I'm exhausted and delirious. Also, I have the world's lowest milk supply... so I hate having to supplement with formula when he's not getting enough. I want to this natural, gosh dangit. Does anyone have any advice of how to build my pathetic supply?
2) The whole healing process. Psht. I got my wonderful father's lack of patience. I hate waiting to heal. I've already started doing p90x and running-- and it feels great! I am so ready to get my body back into shape. I thought that once I had Isaac I would feel way more normal than I did, but I still feel like a fat cow (and even more so now that I have to pump my milk out like a stinkin' cow).  I think the whole 'babyblues' doesn't help my self esteem when it comes to that. I keep having to tell myself that it's all relative, and that I'll get back to my normal self eventually. I just have to be patient and give it time and effort.
3) Crying. Don't get me wrong... it doesn't make me crazy when Isaac cries (he actually doesn't cry very often... usually when he's just hungry or he's gassy and his tummy probably hurts). I just hate when I can't figure out what he needs or wants.. or when I know that his tummy is probably hurting and i can't do anything about it. It was awful when he got circumcised. I would have to change his diaper and do the whole routine and he would be screaming because I know it was probably very, very sore. Poor baby. It breaks my heart when he cries.

Today, I went over to Renae's to watch her two kiddos. When she got back, she offered to watch Isaac for me for a while so that I could take a nap and rest. Ohhhh, it was so rejuvenating!  I swear I think that I could totally sleep for the next 100 hours, but just the 3 or 4 hours that I did sleep did wonders for me.
She sent me some cute pictures that I thought I would share:

Isaac enjoying a French Fry since mom wasn't there to feed him.

Our good friend Jenn keeping Isaac warm in her sweatshirt at the park.

I am so blessed to have made such good friends here in Salem. I love the Battlecreek ward.. there are so many fun and interesting people there and I always enjoy their company.

Well, i guess that's a wrap!

adios, amigos.

picture update.

So... I realized that I haven't added any pictures to this blog. How boring is that!!?? So, here are some pictures of recently. I guess I will try to add more later as well.

This is me in Labor.. trying to finish my exams before hard labor kicked in

 My beautiful mom holding Isaac when he was first born.

Isaac snuggled with one of his favorite blankets.

Oh, hey mom.

Our little family :)

"Oh, mom... why do you take so many pictures?!"

Isaac loves having his hands by his face-- especially when he sleeps so it makes for some super cute photo ops.

Isaac and I trying out our new baby bjorn from Gramma Sloan! (THANK YOU!). Isaac absolutely loves being snuggled to your chest, so this makes it easy to carry him around with me.

Oakley is always curious about Isaac. She really loves him! This is Oakley snuggling up to Isaac the other day.

Oakley is one smart pup. She has now correlated Isaac crying, with him needing his pacifier. So when he starts crying, she will frantically look all over the house for a pacifier and bring it to you. How cute.

Ignore my face, but I thought this was hilarious. I was waking Isaac up with noises and just bothering him so he would eat, and he was NOT happy about it.

Isaac usually doesn't like being naked, but it's like a million degrees at the doctors office, so he didn't mind it so much. This is him at his 2 week check up.

My beautiful baby boy smiling in his sleep :)

Okay, I'm in love with this towel we got from Ketti at my baby shower. How cute is it?! Isaac loves it too. 

So, this was when I was about 30 weeks preggo I think? During Christmas, my parents were generous enough to fly us to Monterey for over a week. It was such a great vacation.

Sleep deprived delusional mama.

So my little man is not being very cooperative with me and my sleeping needs. I've been awake all night with him hoping and wishing that he would just fall asleep so I could lay him down, and go snuggle and sleep with my husband. I miss doing that. I find most of my nights are now spent in Isaac's room feeding him, changing him, and trying desperately for hours to rock him or snuggle him to sleep. He's quite the noisy baby with all of his humming and squeaks and "waaa's". It's so cute, but really quite disruptive when you're trying to snooze. Anyways, he's been like this for a couple of nights now and it's really starting to catch up to me. Whoever said "sleep when your baby sleeps" has obviously never had kids. When they sleep (especially during the day) all you want to do is snuggle (I feel like this word is going to be overused in this post) with them and stare at their cute faces soaking up the feeling of being so blessed to have a beautiful miracle in your arms. When you're not doing that, you take advantage of the baby being asleep by-oh, I don't know- showering and taking care of your own personal hygiene needs, or the needs of the house, or of a husband, or of your sanity (we'll touch more on this topic later).
I feel tired all the time, and I think that the baby blues have found a home inside this mama. Not once have I sat there and been frustrated at Isaac or angry or so depressed that I want nothing to do with him... it's not like that for me. Personally, my entire social drive has been chucked out the window, rolled down a steep canyon and is now buried at the bottom of the deepest part of the ocean. I know I'm a pretty awkward person when it comes to making conversation or whatnot, but usually I can do it pretty well.. not right now though! Now, I have a hard time not yawning every other word (when I can find words to say), and feeling like being around people is what I want to be doing at that moment. In my mind I would so much rather be snuggled in bed with Isaac, eating edamame and watching a movie or listening to our favorite guitar music.
Sometimes being home alone with Isaac is hard. It gives me a lot of time inside my head to think about how awesomely unattractive my post pregnancy body is with it's swelling of the face, tigerstripes on the tummy (stretch marks), and flabby skin on the stomach that makes me look fat as well. Ugh. I keep having to tell myself that it's all relevant and this, too shall pass.
I just want to go on a run!! and start working out again so I can feel more like my normal self. I want my nipples to stop feeling like they are on fire and might possible rip off my body when Isaac is eating or when anything, including air, touches them. I want to feel social again. I want Isaac to sleep better so that I have more of a chance to sleep more than 2-3 hours a day... and so that I can spend time with my husband. I want dinner to cook itself and my house to always stay clean and organized without me having to lift a finger. I want Salem to be sunny and warm already so I can go on walks with Isaac and just be outside.
Well, Isaac is being fussy. Until my next middle of the night delirious post.... farewell.

Welcome to this world!

Seeing as how I haven't blogged in weeks, I figured that the story of my cute son is important and exciting enough to blog about!
My mom arrived to Oregon on a Tuesday, hoping the baby would arrive soon-- which was awesome. I've missed her so much. I dragged my big self into looking decent for her arrival and picked her up at the airport. We have a tradition of eating hot wings and a salad together, so we went to applebees and pigged out and talked for a while. She was super tired, so I took her back to my condo and let her sleep while I went to activity days. The next couple of days was nice just hanging out with her and running errands. It was finals week for me, so I spent a lot of time on those, unfortunately. I wanted them all done before Isaac make his appearance in this world.
Lo and behold, I was checked into the hospital on Friday morning around 6:30am. My mom came with me while Phill was at work. Labor is long... so we figured he could work until I called him and told him to come. As I waited in the room and changed into the ever so flattering gown, I had one more final that I had to do before I was done with the semester. Let me tell you... it was super hard to concentrate on that final when all I could think about was Isaac!... and labor.
The doctor came in and broke my water around 7:30am-ish. THAT made everything way more intense. I put on my diaper and my mom and I walked the halls. It was really fun for a little bit- laughing and joking... but my contractions were coming in way stronger than before. We would be walking, and I would have to stop and get down on my hands and knees or squat down to be able to get through it. No one can prepare you for the pain of labor. It's literally indescribable pain. The best way I can personally describe it, is that your bladder is completely full, you're having an intense menstrual cramp, while a 300 pound person is jumping on your insides.. downstairs.  There is my attempt.
My mom and I tried the birthing ball, and that had absolutely no success.. it actually made the pain worse.. so we continued to walk the halls. I'm glad my mom was there because she kept having to remind me to breathe and relax through my contractions. She also decided that we would play mind games to try to get my mind off of the pain. We decided that we would have to take turns and name off famous people that their first or last name started with 'G'. Let me just tell you that 'G' is a very hard letter to deal with when you are in pain. We played that for a while, and finally I could barely stand the pain. I just started crying, so we decided to try taking a bath, thinking that would help. I had my mom call Phill and tell him to come, because I just wanted him there because things were getting so intense for me. By around noon or one (I'll be honest when I say that I'm guessing with these numbers. That whole day is kinda just a blur), I had just about had it. I could no longer talk through my contractions. THEN my nurse broke the new that the anesthesiologist was going into surgeries, so if I wanted an epidural, then I should probably get it then... otherwise I would have to wait a couple hours to get it. She said this in a middle of one of the strongest contractions yet... I debated with my mom for a while, and just decided that I would get it (I know, I know... lame me. I didn't make it through all natural. But hey, I'm okay with that. I'm pretty sure that I would have killed someone... and spit out some serious profanity... if I had gone the whole 20 hours all natural).  All I have to say is that getting the epidural was nothing like I thought it was going to be. It really didn't hurt at all.. it was just really uncomfortable because I could feel the tube thing in my spine. It was a weird pressure. At first, the epidural only affected my left side, but then finally went to both sides.  Phill arrived just as the epidural started to kick in.. so he saw the best of me :) To be honest, I was pretty bummed that Phill didn't see the hard labor (partially so I could get some serious "you're the best and strongest woman I've ever known'' points.).
Anyways, I figured that I would be able to get some rest with the epidural, but I wasn't quite able to. It made me nauseous, so that's all I could think about.. and Isaac... and the pushing part... so I was pretty restless. I did get maybe an hour of sleep in after I threw up.
So around maybe midnight, the epidural started wearing off on my right side... OUCH. My Dr. came and checked me and I was dilated to an 8 (I had been dilated to an 8 for a couple hours now), and only one side of my cervix was completely thinned out. By then I was so exhausted, anxious, and so ready to be done that I broke down pretty good. I couldn't tell you why I was crying, really... but I did..
So once I got that out of my system, I really felt like I had to go to the bathroom-- like numba 2. So, I told my nurse and I was all paranoid that I needed to poop, and I couldn't because I couldn't walk from the epidural. She kinda ignored it, but finally I was like.. alright, Teira (that was my nurse)! I really feel like I have to push! My Dr. came and checked me, and I was for sure completely dilated finally, and ready to go! So, he left and I started pushing. I got my second wind of energy and pushed like it was nobody's business. Within a couple of minutes, Phill and my mom look, and he's comin out! So she rushed to get the Doctor, and Isaac made his appearance at 1:46am on April 9th.. They put him on me right away. I can honestly say that I had no idea what to do. I was so overwhelmed that I wanted to cry out of happiness and out of the- "oh my gosh, I have no idea how to take care of a baby" thought.
He weighed in at 8 pounds, and was 20.5 inches long. He has ginormous feet, and he is easily the cutest baby alive.
He shares the same birthday as my Grandpa Allen :)
I love him so much, I can't even describe. Even when he screams bloody murder when I change his diaper! (He hates being naked), and through all the sleepless nights.
I love being a mom, and I couldn't ask for anything better.
I am so thankful that my mom was able to be here for the birth. She was so kind and helpful and generous to me, Phill and Isaac and I had so much fun with her being here. I miss her and hopes that she comes back... like tomorrow (hint, hint mom.)
Now, I'm off to feed my little man. :)
I'll add pictures later!

eventful week

This past weekend has been quite the eventful one.
Monday I had a baby Dr. appt. My little munchkin is finally head down, which is a good sign. I measured in at 136 lbs, and 34 cm (i think).
Thursday in math class I found out that i got the highest score on my math test in the entire class. I plan on framing that test.
And now...with Saturday....
So saturday started out like a normal day. My alarm went off telling me it was time to get up for work, and I was very displeased about that. I got ready, and went. I had this bloody mucus-y stuff come out early in the day (sorry for the graphic details), but didn't really think much of it. Throughout the day, work got really busy and stressful and I was running here there and everywhere, trying hard to stay with it and be positive. Then I started having contractions that reminded me of braxton hicks contractions, so I didn't think much of that either.. Then they started getting more intense... I would have to sit, or stop whatever I was doing and bend over and breathe through them. I just thought I was stressing too much, so I got some of my herbal tea, and tried taking it a little easier. Well, they started becoming pretty consistent, which freaked me out a little bit. I talked with one of my co-workers that has kids and asked her if she thought I should be worried. She said that I should probably start timing them, and if they become consistent, to give my doctor a call. So, for the next hour, I would time them. They were coming at about 10 minutes apart (give or take a minute). I tried calling my mom, but she didn't answer so I called my doctor and asked if it was something normal being 34 weeks pregnant, or if I should be worried. He said he wanted me to come in and get checked out, because since it's my first pregnancy it could very well be pre-term labor. Yikes.
I called Phill and couldn't get ahold of him, so I decided to wait it out the last hour of work (Phill and I got off work at the same time that day). I got off, and called him again and told him what was going on. He met me at his parents house, and we drove to the Silverton Hospital together. The whole time I was flustered and freaking myself out and nervous and excited and worried... I was stressed out that it was going to be absolutely nothing and everyone was going to think I'm just a paranoid preggo lady.
We got to the hospital and checked in. They put me in a room and had me put the oh-so-flattering gown on (I did get to keep on my mismatched socks, thank you very much!). I had to pee in about 3 cups, and they strapped me to two monitors- one to keep track of the baby's heart rate and one to monitor my contractions. The lady that did it didn't set up the contractions monitor right, so it wasn't picking up on them. They had me press the nurse button every time I was feeling one. I would press the button and she would come in and give me a look like.. "yeah, you're not having one, liar".
My real nurse came in a little later and was like- Oh! This isn't hooked up right. So, she fixed it, and lo and behold, it picked up on my contractions. She was like- "oh, wow... you're not kidding when you said you were having contractions". They were coming in about 2-6 minutes apart.
They did a bunch of tests (which, by the way were NOT awesome. They were invasive and super uncomfortable). After a lot of waiting and not feeling good, they came to the conclusion that I have an infection that was causing signs of pre-term labor. They were able to give me medicine to stop the contractions and treat the infection.
Before I got released, I got this nurse that came in that was from England. She was older than my mother and thought it was her duty to lecture me. She thought I was a high school student who got knocked up, and Phill was my boyfriend. I corrected her snobby, assuming self. She called us 'yanks' too.. but I don't really know what that means.
She lectured me on not drinking enough, not eating enough, and telling me I had NO idea what a REAL contraction felt like because I had never had children before. Uhhh.. okay? I knew I wasn't in full blown labor, and was thankful for that, thank you for the reminder.
After that lovely 10 minutes with the snobby English nurse, I got to go home. I was exhausted, and it was late.. so Phill and I went home and slept. ahhhh, sleep felt good.
On top of all of this, I lost my wedding ring. It came off at work... Yep.. just slipped. right. off and I didn't notice until I had gotten to Phill's parents house right before we left for the hospital.
I just about broke down into hysterics, but kept myself calm, trying not to freak myself out more than I already was. So the search continues, although there is probably no point. It most likely got swept up by the hands of some greedy, dishonest person. Lame, humanity.. I hate you. I feel blessed that Phill wasn't upset or angry at all. He just calmly said he'll replace it with a 25 cent spider ring from a vending machine. Thanks, sweetie :)

I can't wait for this next week to be over. We are going camping this weekend with our friends Kristen and Cameron.. so that should be pretty fun!! I can't wait. It'll be a nice break from real life.
Now that I'm nearing my procrastinating 30 minutes, I must get back to my lovely math homework.

Vent sesh

Today was an alright day. I had a baby doctor appointment that went well, but short. I'm 134 pounds and am measuring at a 34. Not too shabby. Only 8 more weeks to go! Crazy it's so close.. yet so far. Baby C is breech (as he has been the entire pregnancy).
So... has anyone ever just had a restless feeling like something is wrong or off? Something needs to change but you just have no idea what? Yeah, well.. that's been the feeling I have been having for the last couple weeks.. and more and more as time goes on. I still need to get this intuition thing down.. I think I have it.. I just have NO idea what it means.
So, I've been stressed out with trying to figure out what the heck is going on. I know that I feel like we need to move out of the condo that we are in.. but we have no where to go. Part of me wants to leave and move elsewhere (as in out of state), but now that we are making friends and such, it's harder for me to toy with that idea. I do like it here for the most part, but I like our friends even better. What is frustrating is that the places we are looking at have to meet about a million and a half criteria.. so I don't think that we are going to find ANYTHING that fits our budget/ demands apparently. That's been hard for me-- having the feeling like we should move, and not being able to. There are so many things to consider. Ugh. Things like this make it not so fun to be an adult.
I have had so many impulsive wants lately! Like my latest one is that I want to take this 14-week dental assisting program. Eventually, I want to get my dental hygiene degree, but I figured doing something like that can give me a head start into a career and a good foundation of knowledge going into dental hygiene. The next one here in Willamette Valley starts Feb 5th. It's every Saturday for 14 weeks.. all day I believe. I'm going back and forth about doing that to myself. Do I want to take on that on top of everything else? (I'm thinking I might not work if I decide to do that)... Do I take the risk of doing it, and having my baby 4 or 5 weeks before the program is over? Do you think I could finish it off even after childbirth? I need help! That way, I could have a 'real' job when/ if I decide to go back to work once my big gummybear is born. Suggestions? Comments?
School is going okay. It's getting harder and harder for me to keep up and stay awake while doing homework/ readings. My grades are still up- lets hope that stays like that for the next 2 months!
I am getting stressed with the baby on it's way so soon. I have nothing! What if he comes early (okay, okay, I wouldn't really complain that much if he did). Oh well. Everything will fall into place, I guess.

I'm grateful for my new friends. Phill and I went over to Kristen and Cameron's house for dinner on Saturday night and ended up staying until 2am! It was great fun.
Does anyone have a money tree I can plant?
I would really appreciate cookies. Phill ate all of mine :P
can I just stay in my maternity yoga pants and Phill's sweat pants for the next three months? That would be AWESOME.
Baby C is currently thinking it's awesome to use my ribs as rattle or chew toys.
Oakley is as cute as ever and is learning to be rebellious. Takes after her dad--Phill :P
Sudoku is still my other obsession.
I want to be crafty and make something.
I want to take a week or something and full on just watch movies and do nothing. How wonderful would that be?!
I remember when I used to have pigment to my skin.. now, I'm so see white.. I can pretty much glow in the dark... it makes me excited for summer to come.
Phill and I have been trying to figure out if our boy is going to have blonde hair or dark hair.
I have come to love country music.
I'm excited for Kristen to teach me how to knit. I feel so dorky saying that :)

Well.. I'm off to graze in a field somewhere...

jibber jabber

Things are going well, and I really don't have much to complain about.. Today I got to go to this new gym with my friend Krystal and I got my butt kicked with weights. It was awesome. I've never been much of a weight lifter at all.. which is probably why I've never been super strong or toned.. but I'm happy to get into it. I'm super sore, but it feels great! I do miss running.. but I just keep telling myself that time will go by faster than I think it will, and that I'll be running in no time. It's all worth it.
I'm getting bigger by the day, I feel like.. but not really. My belly grew kinda fast and then just stopped. I look at pictures of other girls at 31 weeks and they can balance bowls or cups on their tummies. I can't do that yet! I'm not sure whether to be thankful for that, or worried or kinda sad that I'm not in with the 'cool balancing' crowd.
I'm exhausted all the time, but what's new. I don't really sleep well, because I can never get into a super comfortable position. I've always been a belly sleeper.. and to not be able to do that has been a challenge. Occasionally Phill will create a little bed for me that has a hole in the stomach part so I can lay on my stomach.. I sleep best like that. It's great. Thanks, hunny.
It's getting hard for me to stand for long periods of time now. My back feels strained all the time. It's not used to having so much weight right on my stomach! I try to stand up with good posture and that helps temporarily, but I just get so tense that I get massive migraines that lasts for days. I've been looking into prenatal massages to give my poor back some lovin'. Does anyone know of a cheap place that will do it? OR anyone going to massage school that needs someone to practice on? ;)
School is going well. I'm starting to get in the hang of balancing everything going on. I am getting A's in all of my classes so far.. but then again it's only a month into the semester... Hopefully the rest of the semester will stay that way!
I feel very blessed lately for everything I have. I have been blessed with a lot in my life, and I tend to take it for granted. I have an amazing family. I couldn't have asked for a better one. I have amazing friends. I have a wonderful husband that works really hard for us and continues to grow, and I grow with him. I have a son that I have such an immense love for already I can't even begin to explain. I have a car that runs and gets me from point A to point B whenever I need it to. I have a place to call home.. and a nice one at that, that I don't deserve nor need. I have a body that allows me to do what I want (for the most part). I have my health. I have a cute pup that never ceases to entertain me with her goofiness. I have the Gospel in my life. I have the Lord that has never let me down or left my side even when I have left His. I have the means to get an education and learn more about the wonders of this world and develop my talents (which are...?). Need I go on? This life has dealt me some good cards, and I think it's time for me to be thankful about it and recognize it.
I am stressed, and wish that I wasn't. My mind is full of jibber jabber that competes with each other constantly! Mmm.. that post is for another day and time.. or maybe just for myself.

I'm so sore that it's hurting a little to type. How pathetic.
Phill and I ate garlic jim's pizza tonight and it was delicious. that takes care of that craving!
I look forward to watching Phill squirm in birthing classes.
I had a dream the other night that we lived in New Zealand. I wish Salem was more like that!
Waking up for 8:30 church on time is not working out for me.
...or waking up for really anything before noon, really.
I have lost all want to read books since my psych and child development class has me reading 300 million pages a night.
I'm tired.. I think I'll retire for the night.. and the rest of the weekend... and then maybe for the next 3 months. Hibernation.. here I come.